Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Hey remember me?

Okay I am sorry for the long delay. As you all know I went to Disney world. One incredible trip my friends one incredible trip. As soon as I got back my schedule was changed from 4 to midnight to 11 to 7, overnight. So between that and school starting and dealing with my grandmother I have been a little lax. Forgive me.

Also I've been told by more than one person there seems to be an issue with people leaving comments on here. I will investigate and see what's going on, please be patient.

I am so psyched lately. I'm taking the plunge. I'm reopened and old piece that never got past the opening and working on it. I found out about a publisher that is working on a collection of anthologies. The deadline is in December and I've decided this will be the one that busts my cherry. I do not expect to be accepted but that's not the point right now. It's to get myself into finishing and submitting things. Eventually I feel it will happen but only if I actually do something. So wish me luck.

Evan's first week of school is going smoother than last year. Of course last year he wasn't on his medication. He is ADHD, for real, and last year was a nightmare. There is a big difference this year. We still have other issues but things are looking up.

We came home and Grandma was still in the hospital. She had been moved to transitional care for about 10 days. She is home now. I know a lot of people told me that pacemakers are lifesavers and to expect a huge increase in her energy level. Well it ain't happening. She is so weak and tired all the time. I'd be lying if I didn't say how worried I really am about her. Her spirits are high because she's home and she does have a bit more of an appetite. Still getting out of her chair takes her breath. It's scary. I know she turns 90 soon but she means the world to me and no matter how prepared you are and objective about the circle of life. Watching your parents or grandparents deteriorate like this SUCKS big time.

Well I'm off to work on my fantasy story. Again wish me luck.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Disney, Disney, here we come!!!!!!!

It's finally here, the day is finally here.

Around 4pm Myself, Kathy, Evan, my in-laws, both brother in laws, one sister in law, two nephews,and two nieces all board a plane for Orlando, Fl. Final destination DISNEYWORLD. First time flying since I was 3yrs old, obviously the first time flying for Evan. This is what we've been working so hard for, for so long. My car is missing a muffler and is currently six months past due getting an inspection. We've been making Scrooge real proud.

A dream I thought would never happen. When Evan was real young and people would come to our house and see all the Disney films they would often say we seem to have gone overboard. The thing is I had most of those long before Evan was born. I'm a big Disney freak. Yes even though I admit at times they can get a bit corney and stale. Still certain of their films just light me up.

Disney is something I gave up on a long time ago. This is going to be fantastic. Kathy and I have recently survived a very rocky period of our marriage and are closer than we've been in years. Evan is finally beginning to understand there are reprucussions for his actions and he is regretting them. We may not be rich but we are a strong family and right now I am in a very good place.

Anywho I wont be around for about a week, unless sis in law brings her laptop and let's me borrow it. Still I look forward to it all. There's got to be a few stories in this. YEEHAWW!!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Thank you God, thank you.

Well it's over. My 89yr old grandma, so far, has come through the operation with flying colors. They took her in shortly after 4pm and it lasted just a little longer than an hour. She is recovering and doing well. She even woke up enough to talk to those in the room. I've spoken to so many people who have had relatives get pacemakers and they all talk about the experience positively. A low heart rate would explain her weakness, frailty, and possibly account for some of her cognitive problems. Those that believe please keep hre in your prayers. Thank you dear lord.

Monday, August 10, 2009

So what will it be the chance of a lifetime or a the worse vacation ever?

So just five days until the whole family; Kathy, Evan, myself, her parents, her brother, his wife, their two children, her other brother, his two children, takes off (literally) for Disney World. To say I'm excited is like saying Bill Clinton likes to flirt a little with women. The last time I was ever on a plane I was three years old and I've never been to Disney. Which for those that know me know that seems a bit weird. As I grew older though I had pretty much written off the idea as something I would never be able to afford. However thanks to her parents, pooling our resources, and scrimping every penny in a grand ole' Scrooge tradition for the last 9 months we are about to do what I had considered impossible.

Or are we?

Saturday my aunt came and took my Grandmother to the mall to get her hair done. Grandma had seemed really weak that morning but she always enjoyed getting out with my aunt. She began zoning out while at JcPenney's hair salon. Then when my aunt tried to get her into the car, grandma was incapable of standing even for a moment. My aunt called my uncle he got her up for a second and she fainted on him. They got her into the car and drove to the hospital. Her heart beat was in the low 40's and staying there. She was admitted and they watched her over the weekend. Today her heart doctor says they're going to have to put in a pacemaker. Whamo! Bamo! He already scheduled it for tomorrow.

My first instinct is to pray, remain positive, and still plan on going. But I'll be honest, I'm scared.
My left leg is shaking wildly as my nerves are racing and I can't seem to stop it. I want to take Evan to Disney so bad and to be honest I want to go so bad as well. However this is my grandma and to be equally as honest she is the woman that raised me, she is my mother in a very real sense. I'm scared plain and simple.


Why can't life just leave me alone for a little while? Honestly would it have screwed up the cosmos that bad to just let me have a really fantastic vacation for once?

(***We now return you to your program already in progress.***)

Grandma turns 90 on september 30th of this year. Although I read up a bit and putting pacemaker's in the elderly is becoming more and more common. It still seems so risky. Did I mention I'm scared?

I know losing your parents is part of life. I know she's lived a full and rich life. I know whatever happens she will always live on in my heart and memories. However I selfishly want to keep her around as long as possible. Age and senility has already robbed me of the woman she once was but I'm still not ready to let go just yet.

Keep us all in your prayers please.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

What a bummer of a day.

O.k. let's try this again. A friend who tried to post a comment on here and couldn't emailed me and let me know. I then did a little digging around and found that others were having similiar issues with the comment feature using other backgrounds. So I went ahead and changed it back to a normal one for now. I will figure something out eventually and I am seriously bummed out about the whole thing.

Today was yet another day of mandatory (forced) overtime at my job. Which sucks. I am very protective of my days off and for the last two months they've been forcing it down our throats. I am not a happy camper. Yes the paycheck is a little bigger but it still makes me angry.

I'm wiped out actually and so I'll keep this one short for now.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Why does time hate me.

I rearrange my daily schedule and plans so that I get on the computer faster when I get home. I do this so I can start writing something anything. Yet every night this week the opportunities escape me. Just when I think it will happen a big chunk of real life interferes. Suddenly it's 3am and it's too late.

Last night I started not feeling well. Went to bed at 3:30a. Evan decides to get up early and with an attitude. Up until I had to go to work was one little battle after the next. Normally Kathy works until 3pm and makes it home just in time for me to go to work. Once in a while I've had to take Evan to work with me for a few min and Kathy will pick him up there. (I may not love my job but so far they've always been supportive of this when it happens.)

Today Kathy calls me around 3pm and says her brother is on his way to pick up Evan. He will watch Evan for a while. There were some heavy issues at her work and she had to get them settled tonight. Evan went berserk. It was so frustrating.

I swear it makes no sense. Every time he goes with Kenny he has a great time. However he refused. See Kathy thought I could just go to work and Kenny would pick him up at home around 4pm. I'm supposed to be clocked in by 4pm. With Evan growing postal on me I couldn't leave. I was sure he would lock himself in his room and would never come out for Kenny. Again he wouldn't tell me why.

Well after gently talking to him gave way to loud threats of taking away his allowance and toys. He told me he would go, at this point if I left I could still make it on time, barely. But something told me I couldn't trust him. I called my manager and told her I would be a few minutes late. She seemed to understand. As expected when Kenny pulled up Evan began that fake, 7yr old, crying and tried to run upstairs to his room. I chased and caught him. Thereby doing the one thing I didn't want to do in front of my 89yr old grandmother. Cause a big scene and upset her. Yay me!

I got Evan out to Kenny's car. I was only a few minutes late to work. However now I'm zonked and this post is probably all I'm doing tonight. Though I want to. I have to help my aunt with my grandmother tomorrow taking them to the doctor. So I need to try and get some sleep. I hope tomorrow's better.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Now this is more like it.

Wow ever since I started this thing I have been trying to figure out how to dress it up. That first night I just chose a template to get started. Ever since I've spent quite a few hours trying to jazz it up with something that has a little of me in it. Sure I can design with the best of them. However when it comes to fig out HTML code well you might as well ask me to perform brain surgery, while being tickled, blindfolded.

Don't know why it didn't occur to me to check out Pyzam before. I used their stuff all the time when I was a regular on MySpace. Of course now I can't remember the last time I logged in. But the point is they had what I was wanting.

Anyone who knows me knows my favorite animal has always been the wolf. Their beauty, power, intelligence, grace, savagery, and social heirarchy are just perfect in my eyes. (Please note when I say this I am speaking perfect as in relation to animals, not people.)

Yeah I like this layout a lot. I feel more confident already.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Holy Sleepless in Seattle Batman! What a day. Started out with Evan waking up too early for my day off. Then it settled down a little bit. Evan and I went and had lunch with Kathy at her work. Afterwards he and I went for a walk around the Verteran's park, even had a face off with some very territorial geese.

Note: if you just want your seven year old to turn around slowly and walk away. Do not say "O.k. look they're mad let's turn around and get out of here." He apparently took that to mean. "Quick, let's run as fast as we can screaming at the top of our lungs!" I believe the geese were too busy laughing at my brave little man to chase us anymore.

Anyway Kathy's mom is expecting her sister from Texas this weekend. Last weekend Kathy's mom went into the hospital and was released this past Monday. So she hasn't been in any shape to clean the house. So after Kathy got off work the three of us went over there for some heavy labor and a cheap pizza dinner. (Just for the honest record. While I did everything my wife told me to do diligently she did most of the hard labor. She wore herself out.) We get home around 10:00pm, after relaxing for about half an hour I go upstairs and begin the usual process of getting the wildman to sleep. Yes it's later than usual but it's summer and we just got home as well.

Two hours later the kid still isn't asleep. No, I have no clue as to why but the boy wouldn't sleep. I gave up and agreed to let him sleep in our bed. Kathy would have none of it. So I marched a very pissed off little boy upstairs and took another thirty minutes to calm him down and let me rub his back to hopefully relax him. Finally he drifted off, quickly thank god.

I try to eat something, the cheap pizza had long worn off. Now I've got an upset stomach and I'm still feeling pissy even though everyone else is asleep. I've tried but I can't make anything work right now. Not pissed off enought o write anything mean and too frustrated to write or draw anything else. I know I'm probably just letting myself have an excuse but sometimes it's just not happening no matter how hard you try. I guess this is one of those Screams posts.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Superman just isn't my cup of tea.

I'm a realist, in life and in my art. Whether it's a drawing, illustration, painting, or even in my writing. I try to make sure no matter the circumstances of the piece that it seems believable. My dad and I shared a hatred of television shows like Miami Vice and Chips. Why?

Because the heroes were too perfect.

Their hair rarely got mussed and rarely did it ever seem like they were ever in any danger. The supporting cast all got the crap beat out of them. But Sonny or Ponch just kept smiling the whole time. Oh and then there was the fact that no matter the subject matter the heroes always knew more than anyone eles. Whether it was being a cop, martial arts, car racing, hang gliding, particle physics, mapping the human genome, or women. These heroes did it all better than anyone and looked good doing it.

This is what I strive against in my work. Which is why I have such a hard time with my art. I have problem areas that effect the whole piece. Though most of it is fine if a damn chair in the background doesn't look right I will and have destroyed entire projects. Choosing to Wallow in self pity instead of trying again. It's the same way with writing. The scene can be perfect except for the pacing or dialogue and suddenly I just quite. I believe I'm way too hard on myself on purpose. This way I've achieved a convenient crutch to not actually complete anything. If I don't finish it then no one can reject me. As my therapist says 'Failure on my terms'.

Well by God I'm done with that. Soon very soon I will start posting pieces on here. This is not one of a million empty promises I've made in the past. This is serious. Then I shall begin the process of submitting things to anyone and everyone I can. Whatever the subject matter though one thing will be assured. My leading men and women are as real as I can make them. Superman just isn't my style.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Crying and smiling all before dinner.

(O.k. for those unfamiliar with me. I am one of the true night owls. Anyways my point is that most of my stuff will probably be posted, much like this one, late at night. That's just the way I am. I do my best work late at night. )

Monday July 27, 2009 was an odd one. Both frustrating, upsetting, and in the end satisfying. I made some bad choices and shirked my home duties (dishes and laundry and other things). While to some that may seem small to my wife it was just a lot of hassle she didn't need. Her work has been incredibly hard the past few months, her mother was admitted to the hospital on Friday, she has been having her own health issues recently and lately things at home have just been hectic. Since I work evenings she has no one to support her and today was the straw that broke her back. However we talked and talked and we both cried. In being selfish I honestly had no clue how much stress she was feeling right now. I should have but I didn't. Now I know and as God as my witness it wont happen again.

Due to some personal stuff and work I've allowed myself to be very inactive creatively lately. However I feel a change deep inside and this blog is the first step on the road to where I want to be. The other day with only a mechanical pencil and an eraser I drew a picture of a starfish that actually made me proud. It was a piece of scrap done in less than an hour and yet I felt so good afterwards. I presented it to Kathy like a child anxiously hoping she would like my doodle. I can't call it much more than that but it opened something. Today I've been visiting some of my favorite writing websites. The stories there have gotten the wheels in my head turning again. I feel more empowered already.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Welcome to my world.

O.k. here goes nothing. I've talked about this for so long and so now I'm finally taking the plunge. I have always been a creative person, although few people knew it for most of my life. For reasons I have yet to discover I've always been afraid of everyone else and yet I've always yearned to be accepted. This of course made for a rather awkward childhood and adolescence. Somehow though I've mangaged to carve out a good life, not perfect, but damn good life. However I want more. I'm tired of constantly dreaming of success, at 40yrs old I'm ready to do something towards achieving it. I may fail but I'm ready to finally take some chances and begin living for once. I do not want my son to look back and think how sad it was that I had all these dreams and never did anything about them. I want to show him to never give up.

I'll keep this first one short for now. Over time I'll be talking about my writings and my art and whatever else crosses my noggin from time to time. If I piss you off let me know, if I make you proud let me know, if I bore the crap out of you let me know; I probably will ignore it but at least I'll know. (That was a joke in case you were wondering. I'm an artist/writer not a stand up comedian.)