Monday, August 10, 2009

So what will it be the chance of a lifetime or a the worse vacation ever?

So just five days until the whole family; Kathy, Evan, myself, her parents, her brother, his wife, their two children, her other brother, his two children, takes off (literally) for Disney World. To say I'm excited is like saying Bill Clinton likes to flirt a little with women. The last time I was ever on a plane I was three years old and I've never been to Disney. Which for those that know me know that seems a bit weird. As I grew older though I had pretty much written off the idea as something I would never be able to afford. However thanks to her parents, pooling our resources, and scrimping every penny in a grand ole' Scrooge tradition for the last 9 months we are about to do what I had considered impossible.

Or are we?

Saturday my aunt came and took my Grandmother to the mall to get her hair done. Grandma had seemed really weak that morning but she always enjoyed getting out with my aunt. She began zoning out while at JcPenney's hair salon. Then when my aunt tried to get her into the car, grandma was incapable of standing even for a moment. My aunt called my uncle he got her up for a second and she fainted on him. They got her into the car and drove to the hospital. Her heart beat was in the low 40's and staying there. She was admitted and they watched her over the weekend. Today her heart doctor says they're going to have to put in a pacemaker. Whamo! Bamo! He already scheduled it for tomorrow.

My first instinct is to pray, remain positive, and still plan on going. But I'll be honest, I'm scared.
My left leg is shaking wildly as my nerves are racing and I can't seem to stop it. I want to take Evan to Disney so bad and to be honest I want to go so bad as well. However this is my grandma and to be equally as honest she is the woman that raised me, she is my mother in a very real sense. I'm scared plain and simple.


Why can't life just leave me alone for a little while? Honestly would it have screwed up the cosmos that bad to just let me have a really fantastic vacation for once?

(***We now return you to your program already in progress.***)

Grandma turns 90 on september 30th of this year. Although I read up a bit and putting pacemaker's in the elderly is becoming more and more common. It still seems so risky. Did I mention I'm scared?

I know losing your parents is part of life. I know she's lived a full and rich life. I know whatever happens she will always live on in my heart and memories. However I selfishly want to keep her around as long as possible. Age and senility has already robbed me of the woman she once was but I'm still not ready to let go just yet.

Keep us all in your prayers please.