Thank you God, thank you.

Well it's over. My 89yr old grandma, so far, has come through the operation with flying colors. They took her in shortly after 4pm and it lasted just a little longer than an hour. She is recovering and doing well. She even woke up enough to talk to those in the room. I've spoken to so many people who have had relatives get pacemakers and they all talk about the experience positively. A low heart rate would explain her weakness, frailty, and possibly account for some of her cognitive problems. Those that believe please keep hre in your prayers. Thank you dear lord.

So what will it be the chance of a lifetime or a the worse vacation ever?

So just five days until the whole family; Kathy, Evan, myself, her parents, her brother, his wife, their two children, her other brother, his two children, takes off (literally) for Disney World. To say I'm excited is like saying Bill Clinton likes to flirt a little with women. The last time I was ever on a plane I was three years old and I've never been to Disney. Which for those that know me know that seems a bit weird. As I grew older though I had pretty much written off the idea as something I would never be able to afford. However thanks to her parents, pooling our resources, and scrimping every penny in a grand ole' Scrooge tradition for the last 9 months we are about to do what I had considered impossible.

Or are we?

Saturday my aunt came and took my Grandmother to the mall to get her hair done. Grandma had seemed really weak that morning but she always enjoyed getting out with my aunt. She began zoning out while at JcPenney's hair salon. Then when my aunt tried to get her into the car, grandma was incapable of standing even for a moment. My aunt called my uncle he got her up for a second and she fainted on him. They got her into the car and drove to the hospital. Her heart beat was in the low 40's and staying there. She was admitted and they watched her over the weekend. Today her heart doctor says they're going to have to put in a pacemaker. Whamo! Bamo! He already scheduled it for tomorrow.

My first instinct is to pray, remain positive, and still plan on going. But I'll be honest, I'm scared.
My left leg is shaking wildly as my nerves are racing and I can't seem to stop it. I want to take Evan to Disney so bad and to be honest I want to go so bad as well. However this is my grandma and to be equally as honest she is the woman that raised me, she is my mother in a very real sense. I'm scared plain and simple.

(***WARNING PRE-REQUISITE WHINING IS ABOUT TO BEGIN***)

Why can't life just leave me alone for a little while? Honestly would it have screwed up the cosmos that bad to just let me have a really fantastic vacation for once?

(***We now return you to your program already in progress.***)

Grandma turns 90 on september 30th of this year. Although I read up a bit and putting pacemaker's in the elderly is becoming more and more common. It still seems so risky. Did I mention I'm scared?

I know losing your parents is part of life. I know she's lived a full and rich life. I know whatever happens she will always live on in my heart and memories. However I selfishly want to keep her around as long as possible. Age and senility has already robbed me of the woman she once was but I'm still not ready to let go just yet.

Keep us all in your prayers please.

Why does time hate me.

I rearrange my daily schedule and plans so that I get on the computer faster when I get home. I do this so I can start writing something anything. Yet every night this week the opportunities escape me. Just when I think it will happen a big chunk of real life interferes. Suddenly it's 3am and it's too late.

Last night I started not feeling well. Went to bed at 3:30a. Evan decides to get up early and with an attitude. Up until I had to go to work was one little battle after the next. Normally Kathy works until 3pm and makes it home just in time for me to go to work. Once in a while I've had to take Evan to work with me for a few min and Kathy will pick him up there. (I may not love my job but so far they've always been supportive of this when it happens.)

Today Kathy calls me around 3pm and says her brother is on his way to pick up Evan. He will watch Evan for a while. There were some heavy issues at her work and she had to get them settled tonight. Evan went berserk. It was so frustrating.

I swear it makes no sense. Every time he goes with Kenny he has a great time. However he refused. See Kathy thought I could just go to work and Kenny would pick him up at home around 4pm. I'm supposed to be clocked in by 4pm. With Evan growing postal on me I couldn't leave. I was sure he would lock himself in his room and would never come out for Kenny. Again he wouldn't tell me why.

Well after gently talking to him gave way to loud threats of taking away his allowance and toys. He told me he would go, at this point if I left I could still make it on time, barely. But something told me I couldn't trust him. I called my manager and told her I would be a few minutes late. She seemed to understand. As expected when Kenny pulled up Evan began that fake, 7yr old, crying and tried to run upstairs to his room. I chased and caught him. Thereby doing the one thing I didn't want to do in front of my 89yr old grandmother. Cause a big scene and upset her. Yay me!

I got Evan out to Kenny's car. I was only a few minutes late to work. However now I'm zonked and this post is probably all I'm doing tonight. Though I want to. I have to help my aunt with my grandmother tomorrow taking them to the doctor. So I need to try and get some sleep. I hope tomorrow's better.